(Early-Mid 1980's?)


Nickname: "Unkultured", "First Time On The Computer", "Taffy Staff", "New Apple II User"

Logo: An off-center image of a stave/staff with a dark blue treble clef fades in, on a white background, with the word "Kultur" on the bottom space in the same color as the clef. Then, with a lateral zooming effect synchronized with the music, the spaces each become filled with color from top to bottom, first blue, then green, red and yellow. When this is done, the finished image "swings" to the left like a door, then to the right in a sort of "echo." Then, it comes down toward us in an angle reminiscent of the Star Wars opening text; this repeats twice, trimmed to sync with the music. After this the image is "stretched" and pulled from the center toward us to the right, then is also seen moving back to the left, like a conveyor belt; then the whole thing collapses briefly and re-inflates, while being turned back to face us as at the beginning. Finally it leans back slowly, then is stretched and pulled down toward us and fades out.

FX: The color fill, flipping, stretching, and squeezing.

Cheesy Factor: A solid contender for the cheesiest logo ever produced. Evidently made by somebody who was either new to computers or severely farsighted; during the stretching, pixelated artifacts can be clearly seen on the image, which is the only object in this half-minute sequence, and the color saturation is inconsistent between "shots" (not attributable to the videotape). To top things off, the animation looks like it was done on Apple II.

Music/Sounds: An oversaturated recording of Beethoven's 5th Symphony.

Availability: Uncommon; found on 80's tapes related to classical music and dance.

Scare Factor: High, thanks to the loud music, sometimes jarring motion, and dark netherworld-type atmosphere. This is mitigated a bit, however, by how delightfully awful the whole thing is.